Re: Unholy Intervention: Legend of the LOL's

[Flagmauth]

"Cat's out of the bag now. Cats exist, right?" Jeff looked to Marx for confirmation.

[A Blind Guy]

"I apologize but, it's just a... gift I have." Jon explained, bringing up the idea that he was a god may not be the right course of action.

[Helsing]

"No it's not, try and keep it a low profile."

Thane looks skeptical but shakes his head "Your gift is correct, I have a sickness named kepler's syndrome. It reduces my blood's ability to carry oxygen, there is no cure."

[Flagmauth]

"So...cats don't exist? I don't think you answered my question right."

[A Blind Guy]

"Well that seems like a problem, hold on." Jon says before materializing what looked to be an inhaler, but it was glowing a golden light, Jon gives it to Thain. "Here, take a puff of this."

[Helsing]

"Yes cats exist, but for the love of us stop talking about cats." Mark whispers to Jeff.

Thane looks at the inhaler for a second before taking it. He looks to Shepard and Shepard looks at Mark "Can you really cure him?"

"Yes."

Shepard looks to Thane, "If you feel anything wrong, we'll get you to med bay instantly."

The drell nods before taking a puff of the inhaler. After a few seconds nothing happens and Garrus breaks the ice "So, feel better?"

Thane smiles "Like I have just gained the ability to walk."

[Flagmauth]

"Don't do drugs kids."

[A Blind Guy]

"congratulations sir, you have a clean bill of health. " Jon looks to Shepard. "anybody else have any injuries or illnesses?"

[Helsing]

A aged woman scans Thane and she looks like she was about to faint with how large her eyes got "He's clean. How did you do that?"

[A Blind Guy]

"Well... it's complicated." Jon says, getting rather nervous.

[Flagmauth]

"Are we allowed to tell them Marx?"

[Helsing]

"Do you think that would be a good idea?"

[A Blind Guy]

"Not particularly, but since we're talking about it now, in front of them, we can't really not tell them."

[Flagmauth]

"Because the term 'good idea' has meant anything to me ever in the history of the omniverse." Jeff turned to the Normandy crew. "Magic!"

[Helsing]

Mark facepalms.

[Flagmauth]

"Something to share with the class, Marx?"

[Helsing]

"No."

Shepard ignore the two gods and instead focus's his attention on John "Magic doesn't exist. And we know you didn't use Element zero,"

"Stuff they use to power everything." Mark whispers "You can put it in yourself to do force related shit."

"So who or what are you guys?" Shepard asks "You aren't human and you aren't any species that the alliance has come across."

[Flagmauth]

"Now, see, I could tell you the truth, except you wouldn't believe me, or I could lie to you in which case you still wouldn't believe me, so we're at an impasse here. Donut?"

[Helsing]

Shepard raises an eyebrow "We can't believe it? Try us."

Garrus on the other hand, takes the offered donut.

[Flagmauth]

"We're unknowable and infinite beings from beyond the boundaries of any known universe which is to say all of them forcing ourselves upon your dimension in a form that won't casually shatter your reality like a wine glass at an opera concert because we're exceedingly bored and enjoy sticking our noses or tentacles or other appendages as the case may be in others' business." Jeff rattled the entire run-on off in one single breath.

[Helsing]

At that sentence, the entire crew of the Normandy stopped what they were doing and just starred at Jeff.

"You're right I don't believe you." Shepard says.

[Flagmauth]

Jeff shrugged. "Should've taken the donut. In the interest of satisfying my curiosity, what did you think I would say?"

[Helsing]

Shepard blinks in responds and Garrus, who had now taken his second donut nods "He has a point."

Shepard brushes him off "Ok I get it. So, you three are all powerful gods. Prove it."

Mark's entire body paled "nonononononono!"

[Flagmauth]

Jeff snapped his fingers. Shepard found he possessed red hair, which was substantially longer than the buzz-cut he normally wore.

Oh, and he was now a woman.

Or should it be "she was now a woman?" Jeff didn't know. Changing genders mid-sentence made for all kinds of pronoun confusion.

[Helsing]

The crew of the Normandy looked at their commander, and their brains said "FUCK THIS! I'M OUT!"

Shepard looks down at himself and the only thing he could do was stare in horror. Garrus drops his donut and the com's system's comes on line "I'm impressed commander, you clean up nice."

"Joker!" Shepard screams "Get your ass in an airlock I want you off my ship!"

Behind all of the commotion a door opens and a black suited female with a face mask walks in.


"I heard the coms and I."

A moment of silence "Who's the red head?" she asks.

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